Quieting Your Inner Critic

 “You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” – Louise Hay

    We’ve all been in this same boat before, and we’ll all be in it again, at one point or another. Sometimes it feels like no matter what you say, no matter what you do, and no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to get anything right. So, you beat yourself up over it: You agonize over how incompetent you are, how silly you look, or all the other ways you failed to meet your expectations. Whether in work, school, or personal life, everyone suffers from negative self-talk. At times, it can be crippling. But it helps to know that with practice, negative self-talk is something anyone can overcome. You can learn to take the negativity you throw at yourself, and turn it into a tool to make yourself more confident. In this post, we’ll cover a few techniques to get you on the right track toward talking to yourself in a positive way.

With practice, negative self-talk is something anyone can overcome.

    In an article published by Psychology Today, licensed professional counselor Dan Bates discusses the importance of how you talk to yourself, and some steps you can take to improve how you talk to yourself. I've selected my favorites, and here, we're going to cover them. These provide the framework needed to quiet your inner critic and learn to talk to yourself positively.

    1. Reflect on How You Talk to Yourself

The first step to beating negativity is recognizing when you're being negative. An excellent way to do this is by taking a notebook, or using a notes app on your phone, to write down your stream of negative thoughts. Then, after taking a moment to distract yourself, review what you've written with a fresh mind. Make note of any patterns of negative thoughts. Ask yourself why you think this way. Consider how this talk is destructive to you. It's important to be aware not only of what you're saying to yourself but also of how it's affecting you.

By practicing awareness, it becomes easier to catch yourself before you start making a bad situation worse with negative self-talk. When you're able to stop the spiral of negativity, it becomes easier to think positively and constructively.

    2. Practice Constructive Criticism

When you are aware your self-talk is negative and destructive, replace it with something constructive. For example, you can replace the thought “I am still not lifting as much weight as I want to” with “I am getting stronger and better at lifting weights.”

When you replace destructive thoughts with constructive ones, it encourages you and keeps you motivated. This is something you must consciously do, but with time becomes as natural as breathing. 

     3. Reaffirm Your Abilities

When providing yourself with positive self-talk, speak to yourself gently, as you would a close friend or family member. When you’re struggling with negative self-talk, take a moment to imagine how your words would sound coming from someone you really care about. In the same way you would express compassion for them, you should express compassion for yourself. In short, don’t be too hard on yourself.

You may also imagine talking to yourself as you would to a child. It may sound silly, but when we offer children gentle and compassionate feedback, they are more likely to take it to heart. The same goes for you.

    4. Reevaluate the Negativity

When receiving negative self-talk, or negative talk from others, it’s normal to get upset. You may feel disappointed in yourself, or afraid of not meeting the standards set for yourself. It is important to reanalyze this sort of talk. That is, to take the negative and look for ways to be constructive with it.

It is important to reassure yourself with positive affirmations, that you are capable, and that you are able to grow, and learn. Fear and negative self-talk can keep you from reaching your potential. But reanalyzing negative talk, and reassuring yourself that you can grow from it, can make you all the more stronger.

With these steps, you can begin your journey toward keeping a positive and constructive conversation with yourself. While you are your own worst critic, you are also your own greatest ally, after all. So, let's discuss. While reading this post, did you recognize any patterns of negative self-talk within yourself? Do you think the steps mentioned may help you foster a better dialogue with yourself? Do you have a different way of handling negative self-talk? 

Thank you for reading, and let me know your thoughts in the comments!